REASONS WHY 2009 WAS EPIC

Ok so the post is late, suck me. Anyway yesterday was soooo epic some of my bestest friends Maryam and Nelly came over and brought there badass brothers, we just sat around playing xbox making each other laugh, if I didn't have a penis it would be the perfect date. Ok so we had a crap load of fun eating Oreos and sitting around, we spent sometime teasing Nellys lack of video game skills, but she said she was good, which means that she can somehow she can get a bus 19 metres into the air while shooting a poo faced hooker in the tits.

So I decided to give Nelly and Maryam their present for Christmas (FYI I dont get guy friends presents FULL STOP unless i know they really want something) So Happy New Year, this is the last year of High School lets make it count, not like the drug addicted, HIV riddled kids from High School Music I LOVE YOU GUYS!

It's a Mother of an Energy dick

Ok so i have 5 minutes to write a decent post, lets get started, so im 43 hrs into the all nighter thingo and I am feeling weird, I just got back from the store with some Mother Energy drink, the bad taste will keep me up all night anyway. So my goal is 96 hrs or exactly 4 days and 4 nights awake, which doesn't sound like much, so tomorrow I have to repaint a wall I fucked by leaning on it (if only getting laid was that easy).

So I am feeling pretty confident about my record, tip is to keep yourself doing different stuff and I ALWAYS EAT CORN during an all nighter, don't ask why. I'm happy about Nelly and Maryam plus their siblings coming over on Thursday which will be fun and yes i did get you Christmas Presents you'll have to wait though until Thursday. Now i am going to play some Modern Warfare 2, so see you in hell or school it's all the same crap!

Stop thinking Start Drinking

So the day apparently started at 2:30 am, because we had to drive my grandmother to the airport, so she could go to Canberra and try to............steal Mr. Rudds money, although it may be hard as it's all gone now, but I guess we can't blame him after all his hair looks like its made of fucking ice cream! So after this we decided to head to the beach to go kayaking at like 6:00 am which was pretty refreshing, then I went hope to take a nap.

This week starting Monday night I am going to try to beat my record for all nighters, which is set at 85 hrs, which means my blog posts are going to be shorter and understandably contain many more swear words. Now today after my nap I was on MSN most of the day and had some beer, which i normally hate because it looks a lot like what mount franklin tries to pass off as water, but i know what chicken cum looks like (nevermind).

So now I am sitting here blogging for the pleasure of you arseholes, but I guess I can't complain after all reading this blog seems about as much fun as trying to shit out a shower curtain, whilst a tortoise tramples what appears to be your penis.

Christmas, it's a time for liquor store hold ups.

So basically today is Christmas, wow yes I know, it's just another day when arseholes go and buy dildos for there wives not forgetting thats what they got her last year, but I digress, today I mostly spent at my Mothers house, trying our best to celebrate a holiday we knew nothing about (Ramadan). So essentially I just slept all day...yes, ALONE! However for the few hours I was out of hibernation I spent eating what I assume was Turkey or very warm play dough that a toddler threw up in after eating a steak sandwich. I spent most of this time wondering, why I didn't want anything for Christmas (HINT FOR NEXT YEAR MORONS!).

So after the lunch, shitting and shitting and shitting and sleeping, we decided to go to Fremantle for a walk and apparently watch a ball of hot gas descend into the ocean, which we could have seen anyway if we just drowned the fucking Pope. Once we arrived at the place where it cost nothing to mantle things we noticed 3 guys trying their hardest to climb onto a pier that was about my height, I couldn't help but laugh as one had his hands so far up the others arse as he tried to push him up, yes I'm sure the anal fettish helped something get up.

Seeing as how I've slept like 5 hours already today, I'm worried I wont be able to get up tomorrow, unless I get an erection those are always tiring, but then again If i were to roll over it wouldn't be very pleasant, I assume it could be compared to a girrafe trying to butt fuck a pogo stick before realizing its a fellow giraffe and getting arrested by the AFP.

With Friends like these........

Ok so today I was supposed to spend practicing climbing and stuff, but then went to see Avatar in 3-D, as opposed to regular films, because of course everything looks like Mario jumping over giant rolling dildos when viewed with a regular screen. Seeing as how this "blog" is about my day, I feel that I should review the movie I saw, so hear goes. The movie depicts the story of one man and fuckload of blue aliens struggle against the military from earth, the story is solid, the characters are somewhat believable (even though they have reproductive organs coming out their back, which i later discovered to be a tale), the setting is immersing and I couldn't help noticing the subtle insults against the US Marine Corps because of their policy of shoot first, rape orphans later.

So last night I did an all nighter, went to bed at 10:00 am and woke up at 12:00 pm then left to go and see the afore mentioned movie, the all nighter was fun, I passed the time switching between online gaming and watching youtube videos, which is what I do with all my free time (minus the wanking). So now I'm really tired and not in the mood for blogging, sorry to disappoint you Maryam. So................yes, Merry Christmas, to all who read this, and all who don't well I hope your mother is fucking proud of you and your impotent dick!

Same Shit Different Day

Well its my time for my second post FUCK, today was rather the same as my last post, much like as you progress through Far Cry 2, basically, I was doing the same repetitive task with a fuck load more angry people around, which would have been just fine if it wasn't for the small sun in the kitchen referred to as a deep fryer, which i stood in front of 5 hours straight, I began to wonder at what temperature my balls would melt and whether they would solidify and become attached to my leg permanently when i went to a cooler place.

After my shift one of my fellow workmates dared me stand in the Freezer for 5 minutes, which didn't seem like much, however when you're standing in almost zero degree temperature and you're nuts are shrinking faster then General Motors funds (yes, Dave Letterman style humour)5 minutes seems to feel longer than a Final Fantasy game.

In my previous post I made a remark about about men forgetting their wives Christmas gifts and buying them just before the were due to avoid being replaced by what is essentially a stick and was proven RIGHT today, with all the selfish arseholes going into the city today, or maybe they just had work..............either way the city was full of twats wanting food, with me saying in my head "WHAT THE FUCK DO I LOOK LIKE A HUNGRY JACKS EMPLOYEE!" and looked at my uniform to be met with a "OH BOLLOCKS!" as i started shoving beef giblets into bread.

Yes I know todays post wasn't as funny, mainly because the word "Penis" wasn't included, but I'm not here to please you or any female so anyone who complains will be met with a dissaproving "fuck you!", I don't mean to seem like a self obsessed wanker, but thats just who i am, at least I don't try to make a living out of it (cough cough) "Vin Diesel".

So to summarize todays events, I woke up late, went to work on time, sweated at work for five hours and had a coffee, so then I got home to play some Modern Warfare 2 only to be distracted by Nelly, but I guess I can't complain (actually I can, that was the point of a blog and also to get Nelly to stop using the word "Bloggie" which sounds like a nickname for a leaky pen or a premature penis.)

My first post, the mailman would be so proud.

Ok well I have decided to start writing what you retards apparently call a "blog". Now the purpose of a "blog" is to tell the world how much Salami I can fit in my pants at once and other crap I've spent my day doing so let us begin. Today started off like any other day I woke up in my underwear on the couch, loaded up my PC and started playing Modern Warfare 2 online, to try and get as much playtime as possible before work. So I left for work and thought that it would be a busy day, because of all the thoughtless assholes leaving their wives Christmas gifts until the last minutes hoping they wouldn't soon be replaced by a Dildo and a copy of every season of Friends, but fortunately I was wrong and the City was rather quiet, THANK FUCK!

So as I clocked into the computer, I realised that I had been assigned the easiest task, cooking meat and dishes, short of having an orgasm all over my fellow staff I couldn't have been happier, and the day passed incredibly slowly as I started playing music and remembering all the porn I once had on my computer.

When I finished work, I had realised all the shops had started to close and I wouldn't have time for my Latte, or "Wake up juice", so I walked to the train with Jordan Lau where we politely nodded at each other for the ride home. Once home I really wanted to play some more Modern Warfare 2 but was distracted by friends on msn.

Now I'm writing a blog, so everyone who wanted to know what I did today but doesn't want to see my ugly face in person can do just that. So in short today was a very productive day, I wouldn't say reproductive because I am still a virgin, but can't there be virgin pimps!? SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY NELLY!